I can still taste your lips
Dismantling me every minute and second
Savoring your exhale one last time
The train starts to pull away
You become a dot in the distant
Resembling the feelings we no longer possess
The late afternoon is suffocating
Not a cloud in the sky as I glance around
The storm has been triggered inside of me
No warnings or watches for this squall
Fin, is the only word I can imagine
The conclusion of our short voyage
Gloomy Morning
Lost in a dream
Liminal spaces appear
Reality, no longer near
The mist rolls in
Thunder fills the hills
The sun continues to hide
Having no rules to abide
Half-awake now
Summer cool, into the window
Bring another day to me
After the fog lifts, I’ll finally see
This weekend was gloomy, rainy, and cloudy. It was wonderful…got to get out of the city and visit an animal sanctuary and hike North Table Mountain in Golden. I put together a quick video of everything I captured…not a bad trip. Thank You to all that served in the military and lost everything. I am forever grateful.
Newdrivehome Blog #63
(Elliot Smith – Angeles)
Since I’ve been sober for the first time in years, I’ve been thinking about my darkest days…especially over the last 15 years, and this song came to mind. During the peak of my addiction this resonated with me…the suffering in his voice and unique nostalgia. The days of binges, both drunk and high are quite a blur yet I can still remember more than I would like to admit…the dark, fallen, and lost feeling of those time. Those times are points I know I can accept and grow forward from.
There’s one time in particular I can recall being in a deep depression, drunk, high and feeling absolutely hopeless…”Angeles” was on repeat and I didn’t know how to get a hold of my emotions. My emotional downhill that evening got the best of me and I had to call a friend for help. I ended up staying the night at their house and woke up feeling vulnerable and lonely.
That night was the catalyst sending me onto the current sober and rebuilding path I’m currently on. I am bringing up this story because the emotions this song brought out of me that night hit me at a deeper level I couldn’t even handle, but now, listening to this sober and ready to face, grow, and feel my emotions…it gives me a sense of serenity.
In my honest opinion, this is what an incredible song should do, bring the emotions from below the surface and connect to them; it is a talent and gift that stands out and makes wave in the world. The story of Elliot Smith’s life and death is a tragedy one…but I’m grateful his art is still here to connect and guidance even in the darkest of our times.
I’m on the Long Island train
Headed to Massapequa…to you
Tears fall like late spring rain
Trying to ignore what I already knew
New York, lonely at its best
I’m still overthinking and out of air
You’ve stolen my sanity and rest
I need to sleep away from your glare
Buildings get smaller as I get close
We’ve survived our inevitable fall
Like an unwatered, dying, black rose
Our love, the dying plant in the hall
The goodbye is short and unsweet
I take my belongings packed and neat
Off I go, back to Brooklyn feeling like
The Only Living Boy in New York
(From time to time I’ll invite guest writers to add to the site to share their art and thoughts. This poem was written by Seth Serda from Pueblo, Colorado)
12:20 AM I lay awake set
The alarm for 4AM
I flip my glitter bottle over
Multiple times watch it settle
What’s the noise I hear nonstop
Oh yeah my roommate snoring
C’mon bud, I say more times
Then I flip the bottle
He doesn’t listen.
I look over at the clock, It’s 12:45
Fuck when can I sleep I repeat in my mind
My mind wonders
To a gorgeous woman named Hillary
She stays on my mind until I fall asleep
Dew begins to attack everything alive
Dawn starts to stretch for the day
We gaze at each other, nothing to say
The planet is on pause for now
There’s nothing to fear about what’s ahead
At least, from the rumors I’ve read
The reports are uncertain, like us
They’ve closed the cities and towns
Our souls get lonely…our society drowns
Our secret passion is safe for now
Together and yet not
What does this mean…what do I do?
The answer I’ve always sought
I’m dancing with the dark
Strapping for the journey I’ll embark
Somber illumination traps my soul
Falling deeper and deeper as we roll
Judgement is clouded, but I don’t mind
I’ll keep chasing for whatever we find
Far from the surface and light
Away from the world, where I’m always right
Finally it’s time to stop and park
To once again…dance with the dark
The last light escapes the sky
Bringing orange, red, and purple colors above
The evening brings silence
As the day starts to die
A night breeze begins to cool
An open window invites it inside
Welcomed by the new change
Feelings of sereness begin to pool
The first planets and stars appear
Tomorrow the week starts once again
So, I’ll absorb everything felt right now
And store that memory near
Today I feel weightless
Soaring above the ground
With only the jetliners sound
The sky’s almost clear
Cotton candy clouds near
But there’s nothing to fear
Im okay getting lost up here
Alone and free up high
Breathing slow as I sigh
Time to come down
As my day starts
I’ll be okay, aloud I say
At least now, for today.
3AM comes quick
Eyes wide open
Mind unstoppable
Heart racing
Stars still awake
World, sound asleep
Nights quiet
I’m alone
Restless in bed
Thoughts lost control
Why now?
Why me?
Sleep is lost
Fatigue sinks in
Chasing dreamworld
Still losing
Tomorrow is here
3AM wins again.
You’re my favorite distraction
Between the trees by the lake
Your smile, the icing on the cake
Body warmth balances my cold mood
The words exchanged fuel this blaze
With every sentence, I’m more amazed
Your tone, cadence, and expressions unique
Absorbing the thoughts you think
Allowing every letter enter and sink
Your secrets are forever safe with me
Even if you decide not to stay
I’m Inside your world on this day
And the unforgettable talks
Between you and I
This day is fire
My mind needs a rewire
It feels dark while day
I still have nothing to say
I haven’t moved yet
I’ve lost the bet
This time is the same
I felt it when day came
Why do I do this?
Will I ever know?
The choice is mine and I still don’t know
When will this fire be put out?
Newdrivehome 