Cold, dark, quiet.
Mind is slowly unfrozen
Air is still
Sunlight peeks from the horizon
Heavenly colors appear slowly
First breaths become the past
Waking up! My body reminds me
The breeze will warmth momentarily
As the days chaos becomes alive
-
-
The season changed overnight
Snow starts losing the fight
Reanimated plants start to bloom
Floating far from winters’ gloom
The sky drops sprinkles of rain
Away from winters freeze pain
Days light is allowing to live long
And the birds can sing their story
-
That look
Reminds me to stay
It eats at me
Because I know I can’t
You smell like home
But I must go
We found us
But I’m still lost
Laying next to you
I awoke alone
Your ocean eyes
Drown my mind
Time.
We’ll eventually be found.
-
I’m currently writing this in residential rehab/treatment. A place I never thought I would ever end up. I did my absolute to hide my functional addict side of me. I was working a full-time job, writing, and dealing with everyday life; all this while drinking handles of vodka each day.
I had become a professional at hiding the severity of my problem while fighting with my dark passenger. Although I was functioning (at 60%), I eventually got to a consumption level that made me feel like a captain drilling a hole through the bottom of the ship. Sinking slowly.
One the slowly sinking ship started taking water…I started to notice. Always being self aware and logical I was worried at how this happening was even possible. But the truth is…im an alcoholic.
I ended up in Denver three weeks ago, visiting my now ex-girlfriend, staying with her and missing flight after flight back home.
I came to the conclusion that I needed help so, while some force guided me to it; I went to a hospital to safely detox from the withdraws. Now i’m here, 7 days sober in rehab…meeting new people daily. Days full of therapy and meetings and nights in AA and CA meeting. I am content in this moment and look forward for what is to come.
Feel free to comment or share your story…being connected helps on this journey
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I hear your breath next to me and feel safe
Should it be that way?
Maybe it does make sense
Ignore outside thoughts
Because no one else makes me feel this way
Everything is a mess
But we navigate it perfectly
But this is all for us
We both hate it’s become this
But it makes sense
So we’re not wrong
Right?
If you’re in the morning
Then we both won…
We’ll figure it out
In time.
Don’t ever leave.
-
I can’t find a place where i seem to fit in
Until I found a place with new found friends
A place where a new life begins
And old relationships end
A place where Liars thieves users make amends
No mater what misfits who feel judged
Is what Misfits Friday’s are made of
Misfits Fridays are the Fridays that we Misfits love.
-By Garrett Olds, a guest poet/writer. He’s talented and those words were from him.
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You’ve always been my favorite.
It’s always been trash day here,
So the mornings feel like a Thursday.
But I love you for more than this.
I shine better on this day, every week.
I’ve never known why…
My favorite band was named after you,
Thursday. I have a tattoo for you.
I was married on a Thursday
And divorced on a Thursday.
But I won’t hold that against you…
After all…you’re only a day
And I have to visit you weekly
So yeah, it’s true.
Thursday is my favorite day of the week.
Do I need to have a solid reason?
-
Newdrivehomeblog #62
“Peter Bjorn and John – Young Folks”
I feel it’s been creeping up on me slowly and I’m not sure how to feel about it; physically I feel fine, mentally…I understand how its grasp affects me.
I’m still figuring it out and I’m in a better position than twenty-two year old me was in…is that really saying things positive? I digress to say this to be too depressed, dark, or unappreciative, but I feel I have enough life knowledge and intellect to have been further than to be where I am now.
I’ve been afforded some pretty amazing opportunities over the years in my life and I feel I have an apt to fumble it. Why? Is what Im asking myself everyday. I feel like I’m not alone in that feeling but I enjoy having the able to listen to songs like this to take me to simpler times. Not to say I don’t enjoy life…because I do.
Being around people that are younger and the lack of insight they have…it worries me. Because what advice could I give them to be where they want to be before the years begin to pass faster like an early spring thunderstorm.
I enjoy being positive in my life for myself and those around me but all of those thoughts still appear in the back of my complex mind. The years have made it easier to navigate the future. I just hope I can help be the light to take others to their ideal destination.
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Although the wind blows
over the prairie
the temperature
reminds of the end of winter
the end of the short days
the long nights of uncertainty
it feels like a delayed flight
to meet with someone
someone you want to see again
far away and close
looking directly at you
waiting to depart
days go with this tease
saying I’m here
but not here yet
like an invite
the date isn’t here yet
but close
and around the corner
springs invitation
asks us all inside
-
Sometimes we fail
And it feels optimistic
To run, fly, and sail
Gaining insight in your steps
The sun bright ahead
Weaponizing your missteps
Breathing slow again
Breeze on your face
As you whisper amen
Insight has been gained
Though never expected
Problems finally drained
Prepare for the next time
It’ll be a shorter climb
Maybe. 😉
-
Newdrivehome Blog # 61
(My Chemical Romance – I’m not okay)
So, although I’ve been reluctant to admit…my life has been on pause. For whoever is reading this, that simply means I’m not failing…or winning enough to feel anything is a win or loss. I’m stuck where I am currently. After the move back home and the breaking of my engagement, with someone I truly loved; learning myself and figuring how to be moderately center, is FUCKING confusing.
I feel I’m more on the spiral track on a train that will not derail…because I have control, even if that control is a facade at times. Although it feels devastation, missing what it was with her back in Denver…feeling I failed after another college dropout and still unsure what I’m doing in life…I make the best of it.
Whether it be at my job…taking half of a saturday with a co-worker that actually make it enjoyable to pick up trash from the premise (even if you almost passed out lol), or taking the time to enjoy the beautiful of the night sky and the stars, planes, and satellites that fill the sky while on a walk with my dog. Or how a feeling a song gives me and changes my entire vibe. And how the understanding that not EVERYTHING needs an answer right now helps me get a grip of the chaos of daily life. Find those moments.
Life, or my life recently are about those moments. There’s laughter and smiles in every minute of the day…I always felt I fully absorbed those times but now I understand them. I’m now figuring out how to act accordingly.
Oh yeah…also, this is a music-ish blog, so I’m an elder emo and this above song always put me in a hopefully dark mood, I connected instantly when it first came out. If you know, you know
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It’s quiet.
The kind of quiet that leaves me with thoughts
Thoughts I’d rather not have.
An ironic peaceful that fits
Once the white blanket hits
Cold and calm is how it deceits you
Beautiful and calmly
Is where it’s beauty takes you
Winter has a new name
Not winter, snow, or new
It’s a night alone
A night without you.
Snow still falls and I’ll enjoy it all
Thinking of you…us and our fall
I’ll smile and absorb it’s call
Those nights aren’t us…they’re for me.
-
My Phone.
On silent, shakes violently.
Only one short hour after I drifted to sleep.
Kept in perpetual insomnia.
Slept nights rarely visit me these days.
Days for short hours of dreamland vacations.
Awoke.
Quite abruptly, its 4am.
I missed your call as my mind rested
Dreams of our prevailing love
Reality hits as I study the screen
We haven't spoken for a week
Mutual is a broken word
It seems.
You’re a planet away
As I reciprocate your call
Are you coming back to our world?
Home. Rooted and grounded.
As it was in our story's prologue.
I call.
No answer.
I hear my phone ring, its you.
I answer. Your voice tells me to fly to you…
I feel complete in that brief moment
Your cadence and tone
Leading me to the fate we found.
Your warmth finding me again
Your laugh taking my breath
Your absence being felt
My eyes
Open slowly as the alarm tells me to start the day
Our end.
Is where I start every morning
Our utopia is now a nightmare,
Each night when I close my eyes
Bittersweet thoughts.
You’re here and gone as I sleep
Missing everywhere else.
The New Norm
Newdrivehome 