I previously posted about the series I’m doing on TikTok (links above) and here on the website. I didn’t update that post as often as I should’ve. So follow this post and I’ll keep it updated when I put new videos out. I’ll post ALL of them down below:
I’ve been a huge fan of horror since I was a kid. Watching horror movies on cable tv with my parents and just embracing the beautiful feeling and vibe fall & Halloween gives. So in honor of those horror movies I’ve watched, nightmares I’ve had, and real life experiences, I’ve been creating short videos ahead of spooky season. When in reality…it’s spooky season year round for me.
I wrote, filmed, and put the visual together on my commute to work this morning.
Waking up. Breeze through the window. The light rail moves loud The city Electric, untamed, endless. When you’re grateful, nothing is wasted. The world moves in rhythm. Every moment, a miracle.
I’m on the Long Island train Headed to Montauk to you. Tears hit like late spring rain, proof of what I already knew. New York, lonely at its best. I’m still gasping, overthinking, running out of breath. You’ve stolen my sanity, my rest. The skyline shrinks as I approach. We’ve survived our fall, but only barely like an unwatered black rose, forgotten in the hallway. Our goodbye short, unsweet. I gather my belongings, packed and neat. Off I go, back to Brooklyn, feeling like the only living boy in New York.
I previously posted this poem without much context and it may be confusing why there’s a poem and a picture of Emily (my ex) & I, on a video (like the crazy ex that just can’t let go…which isn’t the case) so I’ll give the cliff notes of this poems background and the video I remade for it.
In the spring of 2024 I was in the midst of a soul searching mission that always felt blocked. I randomly met a woman at work, as one does. I was invited to her sister’s birthday party at the CU Denver campus. Naturally awkward and randomly reserved minded I didn’t know what to do with myself when left alone at this place . Here’s an example of how I felt:
An actual picture of me at that party.
I had been there about an hour when I saw someone doom scrolling on her phone sitting on the couch in front of the living room window…an instant thought came into my mind “Totally out of my league”, but I had been in a growing stage in my life, (self growth books, “healing” movies, and romcoms) and recalled a quote from a Matt Damon movie:
“You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.”
That quote, a new found sense of “self” and my intuition; that feeling in my gut told me to just send it. Humor and personality are my strengths, so I started the conversation in this embarrassing matter (this isn’t verbatim):
“Hey, I’m pretty sure I’m out of YOUR league, but I’m tired of awkwardly standing alone so I’m awkwardly sitting here now to doom scroll as a team with you, my apologies”
It went something like that…one small giggle, a confused smile and that was our start. I’ve never met someone so intelligent, emotionally mature, goofy, and beautifully odd. The conversations were everything. Arguments weren’t arguments, they were short conversations to work through things and get to the root of things. We grew faster than most because of that. Understanding.
Without getting too deep into this rabbit hole. Some things happened last fall and I had to move back to Nebraska for a few months and we briefly took a break. Very brief…2 weeks. We talked a lot and I flew back here to Denver a few times a month. After a few months of doing that, I ended up back in Denver. We tried our best to avoid the elephant in the room.
Our life’s were going in separate directions. I re-enrolled in college here and she was graduating college and moving to Connecticut to begin her post grad journey. We were connected and are still close friends; but decided to let life take its course, separately. It was devastating for both of us but we still talk often and THAT is better than forcing something that could’ve ended on a bad note. I learned a lot from this and it gives me hope that the love I always crave is still out there…waiting. Occasionally that lonely, missing feeling comes to visit and if needed I can pick up the phone and call her….or write poems and videos like these below:
The type of beauty you didn’t think could exist
At least in my world
The world of self doubts
And unworldly bad luck
The type you suffer through hours of terrible karaoke at an undersized dive bar off broadway
Just to spent every second absorbing the colors of her eyes and making every cheesy joke to see her smile again
Inhaling her scent to savor and save for the times she’s not near. Because even in her absence that aroma creeps up like a flash flood coming to wash me away
The type that’s across the country, her beauty a memory to relive. Right here…yet out of reach
You forget sometimes, don’t you?
That you’ve walked through endings
and built yourself new beginnings.
That every scar is proof you made it.
So if your light feels faint
remember: the sun always rises,
and you were born with fire inside.
I wrote this poem about a man that is losing his grip on reality and thinks that there are people in the world watching and following him. In the end it turns out that there were people watching him. Or were they? Perhaps he just finally went off the deep end. I made a video with visuals below too. Follow my TikTok: @newdrivehomejoe
Rain drips from fire escapes, puddles spell words he can’t ignore. Posters curl and tear like whispered warnings. Shadows stretch too close, strangers move like masks. He shakes his head maybe he’s imagining it. But the city moves in rhythm, one echo at a time. They’re watching. Waiting. And finally… he was right.
Short Poem called, “Night Air” and the video for it below:
Night folds around me, the city hums beneath my feet. Shadows curve and stretch along the pavement, the air thick with quiet possibility. I move with it, sensing something unseen, guiding me forward.
This was all a dream Frozen in time like Noah & Allie I have a proper cut and suit You wear that dress Matching your emerald eyes Billie Holiday on the radio Storms build in the distance Your touch is heaven Your smell is divine Radio alert says war is soon I grasp to you harder And close my eyes My alarm clock repeats Obre los ojos Open your eyes Another dream…
A short poem I wrote tonight about moving on after a relationship while living in the same city you once roamed together and making peace with it. I made a spoken video video for it as well, watch below…
The city glows,
but I remember when its lights were ours.
A train passing, a window lit, your hand in mine, all of it lingers.
I don’t ache the same.
I’ve traded longing for stillness,
regret for quiet gratitude.
Love is no longer behind me, just woven into the streets I keep walking.
A poem I wrote this morning about life and the beautiful, little things in it. The spoken word video I made for it is below as well.
Life is stitched from the smallest threads the glow of sunlight on morning coffee, laughter that lingers in an empty room, the quiet rhythm of your own heartbeat.
We look up, thinking we’re small, but the night sky carries every story, every secret, every spark and still, it makes space for us.
We are constellations in motion, drawn together by invisible lines. And the simple fact that we can feel: joy, sorrow, love, or ache, that is the greatest magic of all
It was just for that moment Everything had aligned The moon vibrantly floating above the buildings The acknowledgement of the nights beauty That moment passed behind the clouds but the feeling lingered in the air This is new. This is it. Inhale it, taste it, embrace it. The moons promise will visit again
Newdrivehome 