I previously posted this poem without much context and it may be confusing why there’s a poem and a picture of Emily (my ex) & I, on a video (like the crazy ex that just can’t let go…which isn’t the case) so I’ll give the cliff notes of this poems background and the video I remade for it.
In the spring of 2024 I was in the midst of a soul searching mission that always felt blocked. I randomly met a woman at work, as one does. I was invited to her sister’s birthday party at the CU Denver campus. Naturally awkward and randomly reserved minded I didn’t know what to do with myself when left alone at this place . Here’s an example of how I felt:
I had been there about an hour when I saw someone doom scrolling on her phone sitting on the couch in front of the living room window…an instant thought came into my mind “Totally out of my league”, but I had been in a growing stage in my life, (self growth books, “healing” movies, and romcoms) and recalled a quote from a Matt Damon movie:
“You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.”
That quote, a new found sense of “self” and my intuition; that feeling in my gut told me to just send it. Humor and personality are my strengths, so I started the conversation in this embarrassing matter (this isn’t verbatim):
“Hey, I’m pretty sure I’m out of YOUR league, but I’m tired of awkwardly standing alone so I’m awkwardly sitting here now to doom scroll as a team with you, my apologies”
It went something like that…one small giggle, a confused smile and that was our start. I’ve never met someone so intelligent, emotionally mature, goofy, and beautifully odd. The conversations were everything. Arguments weren’t arguments, they were short conversations to work through things and get to the root of things. We grew faster than most because of that. Understanding.
Without getting too deep into this rabbit hole. Some things happened last fall and I had to move back to Nebraska for a few months and we briefly took a break. Very brief…2 weeks. We talked a lot and I flew back here to Denver a few times a month. After a few months of doing that, I ended up back in Denver. We tried our best to avoid the elephant in the room.
Our life’s were going in separate directions. I re-enrolled in college here and she was graduating college and moving to Connecticut to begin her post grad journey. We were connected and are still close friends; but decided to let life take its course, separately. It was devastating for both of us but we still talk often and THAT is better than forcing something that could’ve ended on a bad note. I learned a lot from this and it gives me hope that the love I always crave is still out there…waiting. Occasionally that lonely, missing feeling comes to visit and if needed I can pick up the phone and call her….or write poems and videos like these below:
The type of beauty you didn’t think could exist
At least in my world
The world of self doubts
And unworldly bad luck
The type you suffer through hours of terrible karaoke at an undersized dive bar off broadway
Just to spent every second absorbing the colors of her eyes and making every cheesy joke to see her smile again
Inhaling her scent to savor and save for the times she’s not near. Because even in her absence that aroma creeps up like a flash flood coming to wash me away
The type that’s across the country, her beauty a memory to relive. Right here…yet out of reach
Right person, wrong time.
That’s the type.
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