“Angeles”

Newdrivehome Blog #63

(Elliot Smith – Angeles)

Since I’ve been sober for the first time in years, I’ve been thinking about my darkest days…especially over the last 15 years, and this song came to mind. During the peak of my addiction this resonated with me…the suffering in his voice and unique nostalgia. The days of binges, both drunk and high are quite a blur yet I can still remember more than I would like to admit…the dark, fallen, and lost feeling of those time. Those times are points I know I can accept and grow forward from.

There’s one time in particular I can recall being in a deep depression, drunk, high and feeling absolutely hopeless…”Angeles” was on repeat and I didn’t know how to get a hold of my emotions. My emotional downhill that evening got the best of me and I had to call a friend for help. I ended up staying the night at their house and woke up feeling vulnerable and lonely.

That night was the catalyst sending me onto the current sober and rebuilding path I’m currently on. I am bringing up this story because the emotions this song brought out of me that night hit me at a deeper level I couldn’t even handle, but now, listening to this sober and ready to face, grow, and feel my emotions…it gives me a sense of serenity.

In my honest opinion, this is what an incredible song should do, bring the emotions from below the surface and connect to them; it is a talent and gift that stands out and makes wave in the world. The story of Elliot Smith’s life and death is a tragedy one…but I’m grateful his art is still here to connect and guidance even in the darkest of our times.